Worst. Idea. Ever. Of the weekend anyway.

I spent last Saturday night at a South Carolina Dirt Track watching the cars race around a clay mud track over and over and over again. And over and over and over again. That pretty much sums up the suckage that was my Saturday Night, doesn't it? Oh and the only alcohol was Natural Light beer. And the girl next to me was suffering from some weird swelling disease and had a wound on her leg. Yay! Those two things combined to create a situation in which she was continually drinking the above mentioned Natural Light and asking for a napkin to staunch the weird liquid oozing down her leg below the bandaid she had slapped on her injury that I am sure was a knife wound or tatoo gone wrong.

We had to attend because a customer had been inviting my husband and I every week and we dodged it several times over the summer but finally could not say no again. We already felt guilty for using a couple of creative white lies to excuse our lack of attendance at the previous Saturday Night Speedway Smackdowns and true to our Cosmic form our luck ran out, in a big way. Karma Kneivel showed up during the first of many "Hot Laps" and she (the bitch) decided we deserved a spankin' for all those times we bailed on her and the Fastest Dirt Track in the south.

We sat there on those concrete bleachers with the redneck mafia surrounding us for eleventy billion hours. Every race featured a wreck or a stalled car that made the crowd groan and at least one driver raise the occasional half hearted fist but honestly, it was too hot for them to do more than flip each other the bird and shout insults at each other every the the caution light came on, which was every. single. lap. I appear to only be able to write in incredibly long sentences today, for some unexplained reason.

I think that sums up the wasted hours that was the Saturday Evening Dirt Track experience. I was planning on writing 30 more paragraphs describing the tube tops, ten year old's with tattoos and blowsy blond banana clip updos just so you can all live moments with me, but I have to go lie down now.